Sunday, February 21, 2010

Quoth the raven: "Nevermore" A Look at Catholic divorces "annulments" (series)

She told me in no uncertain terms that she divorced me because she was a feminist who did not believe that the man should be the head of the household. My eldest son heard the whole thing. She told me that she would never return to me because she wanted to do what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it and that that was her God-given right as a woman.

I remember asking her when she ever didn't get her way while we were married for those 19 years? She didn't have an answer. She did remind me that soon after she filed for divorce, I had given her a tape from an evangelist who had several scripture verses against divorce--she reminded me that she still didn't believe those verses were correct. Which verses? Oh, no big deal, just statements from Christ himself like:

He (Jesus) said to them, "whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." (Mark 1:11-12)

That's pretty clear, don't you think. She doesn't believe what Christ says? Does she believe in Christ anymore?

Of course, "doing what she wants to do" these days includes dating and I'm the only one to tell her that the church, her church has a problem with her dating anyone until she gets an annulment. And to think, I'm not even Roman Catholic any more.

By the way, where's all her Roman Catholic friends who are supposed to be helping keep her on the straight and narrow away from wolves--both the married and non-married kind? More on that down the road.

In addition, while she certainly made the decision to divorce me nine years ago, how much was she influenced to do so by the type of brain-altering medication she was on? The type she's still on. Will she ever be her "old" self again? She certainly doesn't seem to want to be. But who would if you knew that in order to return your ability to have emotions again, you had to endure horrible withdrawal pains that she and thousands of others were never warned about when they were put on the medication?

There is help--Harvard specialist Joseph Glenmullen has a step by step procedure that smart physicians could follow to help their patients get off this medication and get a new start. I tried to give her Glenmullen's latest book--she gave it back immediately. She loves her "emotionally blunted" life and doesn't want Joe or me messing it up.

In the meantime, there’s thousand of couples out there who will tell you that drugs like she is taking helps ruin marriages (see the forum item about marriages ruined—most of them tell stories identical to me and my wife).

The drug companies are ignoring these stories because they don’t want lawsuits. The serotonin gets flowing in the brain at abnormal levels, the woman or man suddenly “falls out of love” with their spouse, gets a quick divorce and starts seeking others. Sadly those on the drug often find that when they get off of it their feelings for their original spouse return…but by then it is often too late the other spouse has “moved on.”

I have repeatedly asked my wife to consider reconciliation and/or counseling with me, write me, e-mail me, join me for lunch or talk on the phone. She has refused every offer. (Instead, a "Catholic divorce" or "annulment" is on the way.)

The same is true for my attempt to get her help for her medication. I certainly believe her actions back then were tied to this medication that continues to manipulate her. If she is the least bit late in taking it day to day, she gets horrible headaches and various other side effects. She's completely under its control. Well, she can’t say I didn’t try to help.

More to come...